Is That Latte a Need or a Want? The Struggle to Tell the Difference and How to Fix It

 

You’re standing in the middle of your favorite store (or let's be honest, doom-scrolling on Amazon at midnight) staring at a pair of shoes that seem to whisper, “You deserve this.” And suddenly, you’re having an existential crisis in the clearance aisle. Is this pair of shoes a “need” or a “want”? Why does this always feel like trying to solve a riddle in an ancient temple—only instead of Indiana Jones, it’s you, wrestling with your bank account instead of a rolling boulder?

If you’ve ever found yourself justifying why your fifth streaming subscription is essential for “mental health” or why buying that artisanal cheese board is crucial for your “well-being,” you’re definitely not alone. Distinguishing between needs and wants can sometimes feel like navigating a foggy maze, and the truth is, there’s a lot of psychology behind why we blur the lines—and more importantly, how we can learn to clear things up for good.

So, why do we struggle so much to make this simple-seeming distinction? The short answer is: our brains are not wired to be accountants. They are wired to survive, feel good, and sometimes, splurge on things that temporarily boost our mood (hello, retail therapy). Our ancestors were concerned about immediate survival, not whether spending $9 on oat milk lattes might derail their FIRE goals. While our environment has evolved, our instincts often haven’t.

Marketing doesn’t help either. Companies spend billions making sure we confuse “want” with “need.” Watch any advertisement for the latest smartphone or car and notice how quickly it pivots from features to feelings. Suddenly, you aren’t buying a phone; you’re buying status, convenience, belonging, or even self-worth. No wonder we end up rationalizing these purchases as essential to our daily functioning. I mean, how could anyone expect you to survive 2025 without a smartwatch that tracks your REM sleep and reminds you to hydrate?

Another factor at play is what behavioral economists call the “hedonic treadmill.” We adapt quickly to the things we have, so what felt like a luxury last year (heated car seats, high-thread-count sheets, or gourmet frozen pizza) now feels like a basic requirement. Before you know it, these wants start to masquerade as needs in our financial decision-making process. It’s not that we’re bad with money; it’s that we’re human with money.

One of the biggest culprits is emotional spending. Emotional states like stress, boredom, loneliness, or even joy can cloud our judgment and make “wants” feel urgent, like they’re somehow filling a gap. You don’t just want that fancy espresso machine; you need it because you’re convinced it will fix your chaotic mornings and magically make you the type of person who froths oat milk like a pro. Spoiler alert: it won’t, but the caffeine buzz will briefly make you forget you just spent $400 on a gadget that now doubles as a very sleek dust collector.

So, how can we start making sharper distinctions between needs and wants? First, we need to pause and practice a little self-awareness. One surprisingly effective tactic is to delay purchases. Psychologists suggest waiting 24 to 48 hours before buying something you’ve labeled as “essential.” Nine times out of ten, the item loses its hypnotic grip, and you realize you’ll survive without the 17-piece sushi-making kit. This trick helps reduce impulsive, emotionally charged decisions and forces your rational brain to take the wheel—finally.

Another practical approach is to create a “true needs” list. This is your no-frills inventory of things necessary for survival and basic well-being: shelter, food, healthcare, transportation, utilities, and a few extras for maintaining mental health, like modest entertainment or the occasional social outing. Anything outside this list should immediately raise a red flag for closer inspection. Ask yourself, “Is this improving my life long-term, or is it giving me a short-term high?”

Another helpful strategy is tracking your spending. Before you yawn and click away, hear me out. You don’t need a boring spreadsheet from the depths of Microsoft Excel’s 1997 template folder. Use a modern, user-friendly app like YNAB (You Need A Budget) https://www.youneedabudget.com/ which focuses on giving every dollar a job and helps you categorize spending in a way that makes needs vs. wants glaringly obvious. Or try PocketGuard https://pocketguard.com/, which helps you spot trends and excess spending, showing you just how often your “quick snack” category starts looking like your mortgage payment.

Learning to recognize your personal “spending triggers” is equally vital. Maybe stress from work sends you into a DoorDash spiral, or maybe boredom transforms you into a late-night Amazon gladiator. Keeping a spending journal where you record what you bought and how you felt before clicking “buy now” can reveal patterns faster than you can say, “Why did I order three types of Himalayan salt?”

Sometimes, reframing the conversation around values rather than deprivation can make this distinction easier. Instead of thinking, “I’m denying myself this new gadget,” shift to, “I’m choosing financial freedom, reduced stress, or saving for travel, homeownership, or an early retirement.” Aligning your money decisions with personal goals makes it easier to separate fleeting wants from meaningful needs. Suddenly, that $75 dinner delivery feels less like self-care and more like a sneaky thief stealing from your dream vacation fund.

Of course, accountability helps too. Find a financial buddy—someone who also wants to make better money choices—and set a challenge to call each other out when you’re tempted to justify wants as needs. It’s harder to explain why you “needed” to spend $300 on pet costumes when you have to confess it out loud to a friend who’s also on a savings mission.

And let’s not forget humor as a powerful weapon. Being able to laugh at yourself (gently) when you catch yourself spiraling into “but I need this because it’s 30% off” thinking can help you hit the brakes. Imagine telling your future self that you blew your emergency fund because you couldn’t live without a glow-in-the-dark, voice-activated toilet night light. The absurdity is often the wake-up call we need.

Finally, setting financial boundaries helps make these distinctions clearer. Create budget categories that automatically cap your “fun money” and “luxury spending” each month. This doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself—it just means those treats are contained, like snacks in a lunchbox instead of spilling into every meal. Apps like Goodbudget https://goodbudget.com/ use the envelope method digitally and can help structure spending in a way that honors both your needs and your sanity.

Ultimately, learning to tell wants from needs isn’t about living a life of monk-like austerity (unless that’s your vibe, in which case, namaste). It’s about making conscious, thoughtful choices that align with what truly matters to you. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the shoes or the coffee or the sushi kit. It’s about gaining control, lowering financial stress, and creating a life that feels both sustainable and fulfilling.

So the next time you find yourself staring at something in your cart and mentally pleading your case like a seasoned lawyer on a courtroom drama, just pause and ask: “Is this a true need, or am I just convincing myself it is because it looks shiny and promises fleeting joy?” And hey, if you still buy it, at least you did it with full awareness—and maybe a little smirk.

For more tips on separating emotional spending from smart saving, check out this article from NerdWallet on emotional triggers and spending: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/emotional-spending-triggers.

Also, for a deeper dive into how marketing influences your spending habits and blurs that line between needs and wants, the American Psychological Association offers great insights here: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/ce-corner-spending.

And for laughs and relatable content while you figure this all out, the r/Frugal subreddit is full of wisdom and frugal humor from people who’ve been there: https://www.reddit.com/r/Frugal/.